Londo 111,
My most sincere congratulations. I can only daydream of the progress you've made in leaving behind this rat race of a religious Org. You do not know how heavy it wears on my subconscious to be faking something I do not feel just for the sake of keeping a good marriage, immediate family and all my life-long friends.
In the Autumn of my life it's creating depression and these feelings of worthlessness and wishing death upon myself because many a times I just can't take the double life anymore. Today is definitely one of those days, which have become more common lately.
I envy you. May you continue to be well and happy.
DY